Ten Ways Churches Attempt To Be Modern

Okay, before I launch in to my list of 10 ways I think churches try to be modern, I want to say that I don’t necessarily think all these ideas are bad… just a little funny.
10. Name Tags
Most churches worth there snuff have greeters to meet people at the door and then never talk to them again, but the new modern church adds name tags to the mix. Now you, as a visitor, can know the names of everyone who doesn’t talk to you.

9. Toms
Tom shoes are so hot right now (yes, said like Will Ferrell in Zoolander). I love me some Toms, but you can now tell how hip a church is by how many people in their worship team wear Toms, there is a chart… we won’t go into that. Oh also, if the pastor is wearing Toms? Forget about it! ** What? your church doesn’t have a worship team? …uh, this list doesn’t apply to you

8. The "use to be Baptist" Church/The word “fellowship”
Notice how more and more churches are dropping the word “Baptist” from their titles?
“Isn’t that a Baptist church?”
“Uh, no. It is Mountain Oak Church, not Mountain Oak Baptist Church. Duh. Don’t you want to come now?”Or if they were never Baptist they may just add “fellowship” in their name.
“Shhh… We are called ‘Grace Free Fellowship’ don’t tell anyone we are a church.” Ha ha! Fooled people into coming!

7. Pews vs. linkable chairs
I like the linkable chairs, you know those chairs that all hook together and move as one long column representing the body of Christ linking together? …Okay maybe not. However I like the linkable chairs over pews because they’re usually better cushioned.

6. Drum box thingy
I grew up in a strict “no drums at church” regime, so to me a church with drums is fairly cool. However, if the drum set is on stage and has one of those plastic boxes around them (my drummer brother informs me they are called “drum shields”) then you know this church is ultra modern.
Side note: Yes, I grew up with no “devil rock music” and now my little brother plays the drums, I love the journey God has had my family on.

5. The velvet offering bag
I have no idea way this gets a number on the list, except that I needed it to make 10. However, it is kind of modern-ish to have one of those burgundy velvet offering bags with the wooden handles as opposed to the old fashioned offering plates.
4. The worship sandwichYou know what I mean. The service that starts with a few songs (or 1 song… see # 3) and ends with a few songs. Not a bad idea really, but here is how I think it started.

Scene: Church Staff meeting

Pastor: We need a way to end our service differently. I feel like ending on announcements is a little weak sauce.
Youth Pastor: *chuckles*
Worship Pastor: I don't know about that Pastor Phil, Elder John was pretty funny with announcements last Sunday.
Church Secretary: Can't we just dismiss right after the sermon?
Pastor: Uh, no.
Children's Past... Children’s Director: Just nothing that is going to make the service longer, it already takes the parents so long to pick up their kids. And I’m usually up there subbing for someone. I haven’t been in "big church" in… I don’t even remember "big church".
*awkward pause*
Youth Pastor: Why don't we end on a song? The youth band is getting really–Worship Pastor: That's a great idea! I could do a music set before and after the sermon. That way we start and end with worship!
Children’s Director: *sigh*
*awkward pause*Youth Pastor: Pastor Phil… I like your Toms.
3. Long songs
You know you are really praising when in 30 minutes you sing approximately 1½ songs. “Hallelujah! Did you get our church's new worship CD? It is 2 hours of worship with 5 beautiful tracks!”
2. Background images during worship
I feel like I’m picking on worship pastors/leaders/director type-people here. Sorry, it is just because you are such good sports. But you know those big, moving, projected scenes you have looping behind you during the singing time? Yeah, those are awesome.
1. Naming everything
I think the youth group, children’s ministry, singles group, older singles group, college/career group, women’s ministry, puppet ministry, AA group, elderly ministry, life groups, mom’s group and community outreach club should all have different names… and t-shirts. Did I miss a group? Men’s? Uh, no I didn’t miss that one. Unity everyone!

What would you add to this list?

Sabbatical

Sab•bat•i•cal
–adjective
1. of or pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath.
2. of or pertaining to a sabbatical year.
3. bringing a period of rest.
–noun
4. any extended period of leave from one's customary work,
especially for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.

Not too long ago I was in a little fender bender. I was at a dead stop waiting for my turn to get on the access road when a woman in a Lexus ran into the back of my car. She hardly slowed down; it was as though she didn’t even see me there.

Her mind was on the road ahead, she was thinking of her destination, so intent on where she was going she didn’t even notice the bright yellow ford focus stopped right in front of her. In the words of young hipsters everywhere, “epic fail”.

Several months ago I began a little journey. I was at a dead end at my current church and started on the road to find a new church home. Somewhere along this journey, or maybe the whole time, I started focusing so much on my goal of having a place to attend and serve that I stopped noticing what was right in front of me.

I didn’t notice that I had changed as a Christian. I didn’t realize that I looked at God differently. I didn’t see that I had taken off and stomped on any rose colored glasses I use to view the church through. So when I would visit churches and run into problem after problem I didn’t know why. Epic fail.

So I have decided to go on a sabbatical. Can you go on a sabbatical from the Sabbath? Maybe not, but a sabbatical from church, and especially church hunting. It will be my extended period of leave, pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath; for rest and to acquire new skills or training, etc.

Not that I won’t go to church at all. I may still visit churches in the area or go back to ones I’ve been to, but I’m not really looking for a church right now. I’m looking for what God is trying to teach me through this time. I’m looking for who I am in Christ outside of the formal church setting. I want to explore other peoples’ stories of church love and loss.

So expect my blogging to change some. No more “Church #815” or “Church #1623” entries. Just some thoughts on what God is teaching me right now. Time to look at what is right in front of me so that I stop missing the obvious things, like what God is trying to do in my life.