Detour

My alarm went off on time, I just didn’t get up or hit snooze, I just turned it off. Don’t know what I was thinking, but I guess I expected to just miraculously wake up. As it was, I woke up pretty much when I should have been getting in the car to go to Church #4. I literally got ready for church in 5 minutes and just felt grateful I had already printed out directions beforehand. I love walking into a new church looking like I have a hangover. Nice.

To make things more difficult, on my way to church I had to forgo the previously printed directions because of a big reddish-orange sign in my way, it read: “Detour”. Sigh. Needless to say I got to Church #4 a little late.

Church # 4 was nothing like I expected. First of all I felt like I was walking into a miniature mall or a large movie theater. I had no idea it was so big until I got there and walked down the stairs to the worship center while a big light projected the sermon series title on the wall above the worship center doors. Good Sunday to look like (as my mother would say) “a poor orphan child”.

As far as what I thought about Church #4? I thoroughly enjoyed the sermon. I mean I felt like the Lord was using this pastor to talk directly to me. He spoke about God’s glory coming out of our hardships. Not in an oppressive “God wants bad things to happen to you so He can look good” kind of way, but a comforting “God is in control” kind of way. I wish I could go to church some Sunday without crying, but that is looking impossible.

If I was going to be nitpick-y about things I’d say I was unimpressed by the “special music” numbers. Not that they weren't done well, I just hate… hum that is a strong word… I just have an aversion to “special music”. I want us all to worship together and I hate (yeah, hate works here) anything that seems like a performance at church. I’m not saying this church had the spirit of performance, just that I’m gun-shy about that. I had a bad experience!

After crying at Church # 4 I got in my car and drove to Church #3. Visiting their second service this week. Want to know the best part of my morning? Those 25 minutes or so in my car between churches listening to and singing with worship music on the radio in my car. I swear to you that those moments of worship just between me and my Lord are just as much “church” as anywhere that I am visiting.

Church # 3 gave me a name tag again, but besides that it seemed like a different church. The worship team was different, the people were younger, and I promise the room was brighter. I wasn’t prepared for such a difference between services. In fact it was so different I am calling the second service Church # 3.0. Again though, it felt good to be among the people of God. I got another good sermon, a reminder that we all fit together as the body of Christ. Which brings me to a question: Is each individual church “The body of Christ”? To hear pastors talk you would think so. Or could one church be a hand, while another church is a foot and maybe we all need each other? Just a thought.

Anyway, despite two services pointing towards our wonderful savior I went home feeling kind of down. A feeling that I’m still struggling with today. I feel like there are plenty of good churches to go to, but I don’t know where I belong! I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I guess eventually I’m just going to have to make a choice and pray that it is where God wants me, even if I don’t have that emotional tug I was hoping for.

I feel like my life is taking a little detour of its own. But instead of clearly marked orange signs with arrows telling me how to get back to the road I need, I just have ambiguous signs that could point anywhere. So what do I do? I really don’t’ know. But I’m going to pray about it. I have one more church for sure that I want to visit. So next week I’m on to Church #5 and I think I’ll even have a friend who is also looking for a church join me, so that will be nice. Until then I’m going to just trust that God knows where this detour is going, even if I don’t.