A Side Note: Red Light Green Light

Sometimes churches remind me a a game of "Red Light, Green Light". Did you ever play that game as a child... or maybe as a grown up? It is far superior to the somewhat inane "Duck, duck goose", the relatively violent "Red Rover", or the ambiguous rules of "Mother May I?" Though I could probably use them as comparisons to the church as well, I'll stick with "Red Light, Green Light".

I feel like the modern day church and the modern day Christian has made Christianity all about a list of dos and don'ts. You can do this. Green light. You can't do that. Red light. You can only do this when no one is watching. Green light. Red light. Sure you can do that, but you'll be a "stumbling block". Yellow light?

And these supposed rules are so arbitrary. Different rules in different churches. Different rules in different parts of the country. Different rules for staff than for lay people! Red light. Green light. Red light. Green light. Ever feel like you can't get anywhere?

Or what about the "Red light. Green light" rule that says if you move even a faction of an inch during "Red light" you have to start over? Don't we do that to people? "Oh I'm sorry you didn't meet my expectations, you're human. Please remove yourself from this ministry until you are right with God."

Before Christ's death and resurrection our relationship with God may have been based on law, but even then the Pharisees took it too far. They were the rule-makers of the time and Jesus warned against them.

"How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread? But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.' Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees." Matthew 16:11,12

Yeast is something that spreads and gets bigger. Once you let this philosophy into your churches and into your lives it grows. And no, I'm not just talking about what people consider fundamental or conservative churches. Even the "cool, hip" churches struggle with this obstinate behavior. Signing contracts to be on ministry teams, giving youth regulations on how close they can sit next to the opposite sex, how much (if any) acholohl can you drink, what style music do we use, ect...

If we are ruled by regulations that are set down for us by other humans what is going to happen to us in situations where we have to make choices on our own? Either we are going to be so bound by rules we can't move. Red light!! Or we are going to say "The heck with it all" and an go off the deep end. Green light baby!!

Having grown up in a very religious and rule driven atmosphere I know more people my age who gave up on God when they came "of age" than should be reasonably expect. Because really, who can live with all these rules? And if that is the case why oh why does the church keep laying them down!?

If we can't trust people to be lead by the Spirit of God then why are we having them on our leadership teams I the first place? If we aren't teaching people young and old to be ruled by the Holy Spirit instead of regulations then how can we expect them to know how to act when outside of the church?

Why do Christians have such an awful reputation? 1) Because we expect others to live by the rules we are erroneously expected to live by and 2) Because we judge people instead of love people when they don't. Guilt and shame are not a byproduct of Christianity it is a byproduct of the rules of man.

I know many of you who have read this far are thinking, "Yes, but there have to be rules. A lot of rules we have for good reasons." Yes, and I'm sure the Pharisees and Sadducees felt very strongly about the reasons behind their rules as well. You know the only rules Christ gave us? To Love God and love your neighbor. Period.

I'm sorry to be so harsh on this subject, and no, I'm not saying we should all run around like banshees, we need to listen to and follow the voice of God. In the Bible the word for sin (or transgression) has nothing to do with a set of dos and don'ts it means missing the mark. And f God's perfection is the mark, haven't we all missed it? That's why we need Christ! We need Christ to save us and the Holy Spirit to convict us. That's all.

"So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law." Galatians 5: 16-18 (emphases added)

I know it is cheesy, but I have to believe that in Christ, the light is always green.

"But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not 'Yes' and 'No.' For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas and Timothy—was not 'Yes' and 'No,' but in him it has always been 'Yes.' For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 1:18-20

A Side Note: 25 Cover Songs You Should Hear

So I was inspired by Paste Magazine’s list of Indie artist covering main stream songs and decided to do my own list. These aren’t all Indie artist they are just musicians I love covering songs that I love. Enjoy!

25. William Fitzsimmons - I Kissed A Girl (Katy Perry)
While I do love Katy Perry (despite it going against my indie music infatuation) I don’t really like this song, until I heard it covered by William Fitzsimmons. Just beautiful.

24. Marié Digby - What I've Done (Lincoln Park)
My Brother Caleb is always telling me what great lyrics Lincoln Park and bands like it have. That they don’t just have a great rock beat, but thoughtful words. It took me hearing Marié Digby singing Lincoln Park’s words to make me realized how right he was.

23. Regina Spektor - Real Love (John Lennon)
Regina Spektor is magical, I love her so much I mostly just want her to sing her own songs, but I guess if she wants to cover the legendary John Lennon that works for me.


22. Switchfoot - Sorrow (Bad Religion)
I love Switchfoot singing this song because it is so simple and striped down you can really hear how great Jon Foreman’s voice is.

21. Yael Naim - Toxic (Brittney Spears)
There are almost as many covers of this song as there are of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”, but I like this version because it is Yael Naim’s lovely voice and charming accent.

20 Ellie Goulding - Your Song (Elton John)
British singer Ellie Goulding has such a sweet light voice that it works perfectly with Elton John’s touching words. I like this even better than the Moulin Rouge version.

19. FF5 - Bulletproof (La Roux)
Family Force 5 doing a La Roux song is such an obviously perfect match that this cover sounds very close to the original, but FF5 puts their own touch to it, be prepared to get crunk.


18 Nikki & Rich – Uprising (Muse)
When I listen to this song on repeat (which really is the only way to listen to it) I feel like going out and protest something… which isn’t anything I’ve ever actually done, but still.


17. Rufus Wainwright – Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen)
I wasn’t going to post this cover of Hallelujah, I was going to use the Kate Voegele version instead because Rufus’ version has been heard so much people don’t even know it is a cover, they think it is the original. In the end though I had to use this one because it is just so marvelous.


16 Chris Colfer - I Want Hold Your Hand (Beatles)
Okay, I wasn’t going to post any Glee songs because it feels like cheating, plus most of their covers sound so much like the original it isn’t even any fun. However Chris Colfer (Kurt Hummel) singing I Want to Hold Your Hand is beautiful. You don’t have to like Glee to get goosebumps over this song.


15. P!ink - Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
Yes, out of all the songs P!nk could covered Queen’s epic song is the most genius choice ever. Plus I was able to see her perform this live during her Funhouse Tour (best concert I have ever been to).


14. Coldplay - Billie Jean (Micheal Jackson)
While almost every music group out there has done a cover of Coldplay’s Viva La Vida I’m more interested in what Coldplay is covering, they do versions of both Ring of Fire and Barbie Girl, but my favorite is their cover of Billie Jean.


13. OwlCity - In Christ Alone (Stuart Townend)
While most worship songs get covered and recovered by numerous bands I love OwlCity doing In Christ Alone because here is a secularly famous artist bold enough to sing about Christ. And he does it so well.


12. Adam Lambert - Mad World (Tears for Fears)
This is the song that I always remember Adam Lambert for because when he sang it on American Idol he blew us all away. I’m still not sure why he didn’t win that season… not that is has hurt his career!


11. Paloma Faith - Sexy Chick (David Guetta)
I love pop and R&B songs that are broken down to a good old piano doo-wop feel. Paloma’s sassy style really does justice to this cover.


10. Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights (The Postal Service)
Here is a cover that I think out does the original. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy The Postal Service, but when they sing this song I always feel like telling them to slow it down. Iron & Wine does just that.


9. Vampire Weekend - I'm Going Down (Bruce Springsteen)
Oh Vampire Weekend. I love you. And I love this Springsteen cover and the fact that you get a good feel of Ezra Koenig vocals from it.


8. Mindy Smith - Jolene (Dolly Parton)
I can’t say I really listen to Dolly Parton music, but Mindy Smith’s folk version of this classic Parton song is perfect. I love the music video and cameo by Miss Parton.


7. Florence + The Machine - Oh Darling (Beatles)
I’m going to pretend that you aren’t all aware of how obsessed I am with Florence + The Machine and just casually tell you that this song is friggin’ awesome! Okay. That is all.


6. Ingrid Michaelson - I Can't Help Falling In Love With You (Elvis Presley)
I can’t help falling in love with this song (I know, cheesy) but really it is hard to top the King of Rock & Roll, but I think Ingrid may do it here.


5. Sara Bareilles - Single Ladies (Beyoncé)
Some piano and vocal styling amazingness by Sara Bareilles. Sara keeps the feisty feeling Beyoncé originally gave to this song while bringing R&B back to its doo-wop roots.

4. Joshua Radin – Sunny Days (Sesame Street)
This wasn’t originally so high up on my list, but the more I listened to it the more I loved it. Never have I ever wanted to go to Sesame Street, until now.


3. David Crowder - Deliver Me (Origanlly The Beloved, best known from Sarah Brightman)
I love how David takes a secular song and so easily sings it in a way that I can’t imagine it ever referring to anything but how much we need Christ to save us. Brilliant. I also love the hymn lyrics he adds in there.


2. Adele - Make You Feel My Love (Bob Dylan)
This song is what first made my fall in love with Adele’s music. Every time I hear it I want to stop what I’m doing and go learn to play the piano just so I can sing this song. Truly stunning.


1. Mumford and Suns - Cousins (Vampire Weekend)
I already enjoyed Mumford & Sons and then they stole my heart with their Grammy performance and now they are cover a Vampire Weekend song? Be still my heart. Seriously though, I love the original but hearing Mumford & Sons play it you’d think the song was made for them.

Listening

Okay so not going to church the past few weeks has been refreshing. But in my prayer time today I came to this conclusion,

I think I need to start going to church again, not so God will hear me,
but maybe so that I will hear Him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit:
I'm not saying church is the only place to hear from God. I am also not saying that it is a sure-fire place to hear from God. Sometimes you just won't. What I'm am saying is that I think you need to put yourself in a position of listening. For me I think that going back to church for a little while is one of the things I need to do right now to put myself in that position.

Sabbatical

Sab•bat•i•cal
–adjective
1. of or pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath.
2. of or pertaining to a sabbatical year.
3. bringing a period of rest.
–noun
4. any extended period of leave from one's customary work,
especially for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.

Not too long ago I was in a little fender bender. I was at a dead stop waiting for my turn to get on the access road when a woman in a Lexus ran into the back of my car. She hardly slowed down; it was as though she didn’t even see me there.

Her mind was on the road ahead, she was thinking of her destination, so intent on where she was going she didn’t even notice the bright yellow ford focus stopped right in front of her. In the words of young hipsters everywhere, “epic fail”.

Several months ago I began a little journey. I was at a dead end at my current church and started on the road to find a new church home. Somewhere along this journey, or maybe the whole time, I started focusing so much on my goal of having a place to attend and serve that I stopped noticing what was right in front of me.

I didn’t notice that I had changed as a Christian. I didn’t realize that I looked at God differently. I didn’t see that I had taken off and stomped on any rose colored glasses I use to view the church through. So when I would visit churches and run into problem after problem I didn’t know why. Epic fail.

So I have decided to go on a sabbatical. Can you go on a sabbatical from the Sabbath? Maybe not, but a sabbatical from church, and especially church hunting. It will be my extended period of leave, pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath; for rest and to acquire new skills or training, etc.

Not that I won’t go to church at all. I may still visit churches in the area or go back to ones I’ve been to, but I’m not really looking for a church right now. I’m looking for what God is trying to teach me through this time. I’m looking for who I am in Christ outside of the formal church setting. I want to explore other peoples’ stories of church love and loss.

So expect my blogging to change some. No more “Church #815” or “Church #1623” entries. Just some thoughts on what God is teaching me right now. Time to look at what is right in front of me so that I stop missing the obvious things, like what God is trying to do in my life.

So what's the problem now?

Life without church, this is just called life for many people. However, being raised in a strong Christian, southern family church has always been a part of my life. Life without church is unacceptable. Not just because of how I was raised, but the society I live in and the company I keep. In many circles one gets to know someone by asking them about their family or where they work. My type of people? We ask, “So where do you go to church?”

When I first started looking for a church, “I’m looking for a church right now” was an acceptable answer when church came up in conversation. After 7 months of looking for a church and yet not finding one it just sounds like I’m not trying. I am trying. Everyone else seems so happy at their church. It isn’t that I want to be alone in my churchless-ness.

I even went as far as prematurely posting a few weeks ago that I thought I had found my church. I thought I did. I had one of the best Sundays since my church hunting started, I went to Sunday school and people actually talked to me and I felt the lesson was really good. I went to service and worshiped through the singing and the message. I love this church because of everything they do in the community without even trying to bring the focus on them or “fill the pews”. They received more money than budgeted last year, even in these hard financial times, and in the weeks I visited there I never heard them make a push for giving. The pastor is on fire for the Lord and preaches more than the same old thing. I was sold.

I invited a posse to come with me to church the next week; I had a friend with me in Sunday school (where no one spoke to us and the lesson was not good) and three friends with me in service. The service I still thought was good, but seemed to bore the people with me (if you 3 are reading this, don’t try to deny it :). However, this isn’t really what is making me question my “decision”.

I knew this church was traditional (for lack of a better word), but I heard a few things that Sunday that actually go against what I believe the Bible teaches. Not big salvation things, but those things that even the strongest of Christians never agree on. Plus everyone in the singles group seemed really young and I realized that this was still not exactly my group of people. All of this seems really nit-picky, right? It is, I know. I don’t think this church is really the problem. I think the problem is me. I am really trying to find a church, but I can’t find what I want. Plus, I’m just so tired of church that even the really great ones seem lacking to me somehow.

Through all of this churchless-ness I realized that I’m kind of having an identity crisis. And by “kind of” I mean I am! During the great week at Sunday school we talked about spiritual gifts and how each person is made differently but for the same purpose, to glorify God. We are to fit together like pieces of a machine (or... a body) with each piece having its own function, but only when all the pieces are assembled does the machine work correctly.

I’ve studied this before, but I loved how the class flowed and how everyone seemed to have something to add and how excited they were about being the body of Christ. Through all of this I keep thinking about the gifts God has given me and how I use them. I love to teach, to disciple. Nothing makes me happier than to have a small group to lead and walk with. This is one of the things I’ve been called to do. It was the one thing at my old church that I got a lot of. Even when other things were going wrong in this area I felt complete and fulfilled. Now I have gone 7 months without some place to serve in this way. I’m at the point where I just want to pick any church with a youth group I can serve in because I don’t know who I am when I’m not in this position of shepherding.

I have known for a little while that this was going on inside me, I feel like I have been called to minister and I have no place to do it. I know that the church is not the only place to do this, but it is where I know how to do it. I was thinking all of this during Sunday school when one of the women in the class made a wonderful statement. In paraphrase she said,
“We have to remember though, that no matter what gifts God has given us we can’t place our identity in those gifts. We aren’t our gifts and we aren’t even what we do for God. Our identity is in Christ alone.”

Here I am wondering around trying to find somewhere to serve, yes because I want to do this for God and for His people, but also because I don’t know who I am without this. As if my service is what makes me, me? As if without this God can’t use me? As if without this I am anything less than a child of the King? As if.

This doesn’t bring me any closer to finding a church or deciding if finding a church is what I should do right now, but it did kind of slap some sense into me. Yes, life without church is hard on me right now, but it is my life with Christ that really matters. I think I need to start putting more of a focus on that.

Song Of The Day- A Side Note

Sanctus Real - "Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

It's time for healing time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long

Time make right what has been wrong

It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me

All I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see,

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Revaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow Your will,

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is You want from me

I give everything I surrender...

To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see,

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It's time to face up

Clean this old house

Time breathe in and let everything out

Tick, tick, tick...

It has been about 7 months since I left... quit... stopped going to? my old church. Or that is, it has been about 7 months since I've had a church home. That wording seems to work.

Meaning approximately 7 months or 210 days or 28 Sundays or 11 churches latter, I still don't have a church I call my own.

I stopped blogging about my church hunting experience for roughly two of those months because I had lost my enthusiasm about visiting churches.

I have had some odd experiences though, for example, I went to church one Sunday and didn't stay because there was literally no place to park. On another Sunday I got to a church I'd been excited about visiting and walked in to find about 5 people milling about this huge church, it was like the twilight zone, I was afraid the rapture had occurred and me and these 5 Baptist were left behind. Weird.

I still drag myself out of bed on Sunday mornings and go to church, but really have had nothing to say about it. Maybe I’ll visit a new church or maybe I’ll go back to one I've been to before, sometimes I don't decided until my alarm clock goes off.

In short, recently I’ve been more zealous about where I'm eating lunch after church than where I am going to service. (Fuzzy's Tacos anyone?)

This languid attitude started changing just before Christmas. I had heard conflicting reports about a church I was interested in. However, I decided to drive the 40 minutes to get there when a friend of mine who has basically given up on church and possibly on God told me that it was one church she might actually go to. That sounded good to me. We’ll call this “Church # 11”.

When I first started visiting new churches I was so starved for spiritual food that I was on a church high, crying at services, loving the worship and feeling like I could conquer the world. This emotion was eventually depleted and I was left feeling extremely skeptical of churches and Christians. I've been saying for months, "I don't have a problem with God, but I'm finding it hard to like His people". Or like Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I’ve felt like a ticking time bomb, at any moment I was going to give up on church all together.

I can't say that I'm completely over this feeling. I don't think I understood, or still understand how deeply I was hurt. Or the extent of the scares inflicted by fellow believers! However, I will say that while at Church #11 one Sunday I looked around at the people near me, people I didn't know and didn't meet and thought to myself, "How nice to be in a room full of people who love God. I may not ever know them, but we have the same Father!" I surprised myself with this previously unheard of compassion for fellow church goers.

Since then I have started going back to a church nearer me because 40 minutes was just too long of a drive. However, I don't know if it was Church #11, or just timing, or the Christmas spirit, but I'm glad that I had that little moment or joy with my fellow believers. I needed it.

With all of the above being said it was actually something that happened last Sunday that made me figuratively pick back up the blogging pen.

During the infamous meet-n-greet time at a church we will call “Church #10”, something strange happened, the person I was sitting next to introduced himself to me! I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but in all this time I have had only ONE other person introduce themselves to me without my introducing myself first. People say, "hello" or "good morning" but then they are pretty much done with you.

While still reeling from his introduction this intrepid person did something rather shocking. I am not exaggerating when I state that this is the first time in 7 months of church hunting that this has happened to me... the guy invited me to life group! Holy crud. He asked me if this was my first Sunday, I told him I was a basically a regular because I had been there twice (oh how very witty) and he told me about the singles group that met before 2nd service and said I should come. Then (yes, there is even more) at the end of the service he gave me the website for their singles group so I could get all the info and said he hoped he'd see me there.

I can't overstate what a big deal this is, or how sad it is that it is a big deal! So obviously, I will be going to the the singles group next week before "big church". Really it was amazing what that one act of consideration did for my morning. I went from thinking how annoying it is when the choir and/or worship team wears matching colors, to thinking that I should start "assuming good intent" when I go to churches.

Meaning that instead of assuming the worship team is all about themselves and performance I should assume that they are actually worshiping since I have no reason to believe otherwise. My whole church experience changed, I listen to the sermon and took notes and made myself think of two things I liked about the place for everyone thing I didn't like (sorry, I still have a hard time making the negative Nancy in my head hush).

When the morning was over I had a little bit of the exuberance I had when I first started church hunting. Just because someone took less than 5 minutes to make me feel wanted! Between that and the gradual lessening of my resistance against others believers I feel like God is slowly but surely doing a work in my heart. Maybe all this disappointment and over-cautiousness will turn into something healthy and powerful. I hope so.