A funny thing happened...

A funny thing happened at the bookstore the other day.

Some friends and I were hanging at a Christian bookstore (because that is what all the cool kids are doing) when we notice a disturbing amount of what I can only call, “theme bibles”.

First it was, The Woman’s Bible which I assume has more than two books in it named after women. The books of Esther, Ruth, Mary and Elizabeth.

The Men’s Bible, which I would guess smells like motor oil and contains the prophet Samuel’s secret recipe for BBQ sauce.

The Children’s Bible, I know this one, it has a blue eyed Precious Moments Jesus in it. I had that Bible as a kid.

These Bibles seemed odd to me (isn’t the Bible the same for everyone?), but then things got really weird. We found the following Bibles:

The Fireman’s Bible which I would guess puts a new spin on the fire and brimstone type passages.

The Nurse’s Bible which reminds nurses not everyone can heal the blind, but they can try.

I know I must have driven my friends crazy. I kept pulling out Bibles and saying things like, “Oh. My. Gosh. Look at this one. I don’t understand.” Obviously, it had been too long since I’d been in a Christian bookstore and my friends probably won’t take me out in public for a while.

My favorite might have been The Sportsman’s Bible which clearly must teach you how to extinguish the fiery darts of the wicked one and bag a four point deer.

Don’t even get me started on the comic book Bible.

I grew up reading the good old New King James Version of the Bible.

Most of my Bible memorization was done in the NKJV or the King James version (Yay! AWANAs in the 1990s). I like the NKJV, I think it is majestic and graceful in its own right, but when I first dived into the Word of God in the New Living Translation things changed.

It was 2006 at the Passion Conference in Nashville, TN – alone in my hotel room reading from my brand new- compact-two-toned blue-NLT Bible. I was reading a familiar passage in Psalms and tears started rolling down my face. I had never read the Bible like someone was writing it just for me. I’ve been hooked on the NLT ever since.

All of that to say I understand finding a Bible version that speaks to you… I have come to love NASB and ECV. I love reading a passage and then rereading it in a different translation. However, all of that is different than the making the Bible a tend. You know what I mean, you've seen them in you local buy-a-Bible store “Bible for Graduates” or “The Drag Racer’s Bible” (okay, I made that one up).

I guess the problem I have is with people selling the word of God. People advertising, marketing and making it sexy or more interesting. This is the Word of God! It doesn't need to be dressed up or pimped out.

If you are reading this and love your “Bible for New Mothers” I’m not trying to get on to you. However, while walking around the book store it seemed to me, the whole spicing up the Bible and giving it themes was done to make money, not to actually help the sportsman get into the Word of God.

I don’t like seeing the Bible fall prey to branding games. In the end though, if someone has a friend who is a nurse and gives her The Nurse’s Bible and she actually reads it because of that, then I’m happy for her. And maybe when they make a movie lover’s Bible or something that appeals to me I’ll change my tune…. But I doubt it.

What kind of prayer are you?

Recently I've been in several different places where we have prayed as a group. I really love that. Personal, private prayer time is wonderful, but praying with other believers is so encouraging. During these times of prayer though, I have noticed there are a handful of kind of prayers (as in pray-ers, people who pray). Most people fall into at least one of these groups; I have listed 7 kinds of prayer warriors that I've seen throughout my years in churches, Bible studies, and prayer groups. Is this a definitive list. Nope. It it completely accurate. Uh, no I just made it up. But maybe you can find a little of yourself on this list. I know where I am.

1) The person who doesn't pray out loud.
Some people don't like to pray out loud, which I think is perfectly acceptable. I mean we are praying to God and He doesn't need us to pray out loud. Besides the Bible warns us about using prayer for attention. Not praying out loud is a pretty safe bet against praying just so others can hear how masterfully you weave scripture into your prayer or how many beautiful Christian phrases you can use like, "traveling mercies", "please lead, guide, and direct", "hide me behind the cross" or the one I use the most, "put a hedge of protection around..." (because you know satan is really afraid of shrubbery). Yeah, so if you don't want to pray out loud, I'm not going to make you (though if no one does, it makes the prayer time... awkward). Maybe you could just be the next person on the list.

2) The prayer recognizer.
If you are doing any kind of pray around the circle or *popcorn prayer you really want at least one prayer recognizer. This is the person who says, "amen", "yes Lord" and other generally encouraging phrases and sounds as someone else prays out loud. I know this is wrong, and I'm putting myself out there saying this, but am I the only one who ever judges how good a prayer is by how many people "amen" during it? Yes! 5 amens and a hallelujah! I. Am. On. Fire!

3) The metaphorical prayer/the long prayer
This person is of the "more is better" philosophy. Their prayers last at least twice as long as everyone elses' prayers and are usually really pretty. They use words like, "propitiation" and "equivocation" and very often use metaphors in their prayers. "Like a child climbs up on it's fathers lap so we come to You". While these prayers can seem to *ahem* drag on I usually like them because I'm a picture person and they paint pictures. (Okay, okay I admit I've never heard a prayer with the word, "equivocation" in it).

4) The short and sweet
To explain this kind of prayer I'd like to just give an example. It goes something like this, "Dear Lord, you know all our needs and we place them in Your hands. Please continue to lead us to You." Boom! Done and done. And good! Trust God to do what He does. Can't argue with that. It is nice when this person sits next to #3.

5) The emotional prayer
This is the person who can barely make it through their prayer because they start to choke up. Or maybe they pray through the whole prayer just fine, but talk in "cry voice". I'm not saying that I am this person... but I am. I have little to no control over "cry voice", grrrr. However, (and the emotional prayer isn't necessarily going for this) this person often works very well with the prayer recognizer. Crying brings on the "yes, lord!", it just does.

6) The preachy prayer
This is the only one on the list that actually bugs me. I'm fine with a good sermon. And I'm fine with a good prayer. But don't give me a sermon prayer. You know what I mean, right? The person who takes it upon themselves to teach or preach to the people listening to them pray. They say things like, "because it is the child's duty to obey their parents, this is the kind of person the Lord wants you to be" or "remember that God rejects the proud and blesses the humble". I'm always like, wait... who are you talking to here? Cuz I thought you were talking to God and I think He knows this stuff already. *sigh*

7) The scripture prayer
This person is kinda the bomb-diggity. They usually pray with lots of spirit and talk louder and faster the longer the prayer goes on. They use some of their own words but mostly stick to praying straight out of God's word. I love this, as long as they are doing it to pray the authority of scripture and not to show off how much Bible they have memorized from their years in AWANA or Bible Drill or seminary or something.


Okay, this is the short list. I can think of a few other kind of prayers, but I'll stop while you might still be reading. What do you think? Are you on here? What other kinds of people should make the list? Tell me what you think.


*Popcorn prayer: This is where you just "pop in" when you want to pray, this is the less formal and more "spirit-lead" version of the pray around in a circle... but can be awkward when more than one person starts a prayer at the same time. (One at a time people, one at a time! That way God can make out what you're saying!)

The End Of The World

So my twitter and Tumblr feeds are already being filled with Rapture jokes. Because, you know, there is little funnier than the end of the world!

One of my favorite quips is the suggestion to get Chick-Fil-A today since all its workers will be Raptured tomorrow. And I love the idea I got from Tumblr of leaving a pair of shoes somewhere with some dry ice in them (he he). Also, my favorite shoe brand is having an "End of the World" sale, because you should look good if the end is coming.

I’m ignoring the comments about how the world would be a better place if all the Christians were indeed Raptured (hurtful!).

I have to say with all this, I am really looking forward to all the Jesus Jukes that are coming. I mean, when Osama was killed it started a fierce Twitter debate over how Christians should respond, accompanied by Bible verses and fake quotes from famous dead people. I anticipate to no less from Rapture Day 2011.

So in preparation for the expected world’s end (man, I thought that was going down in 2012) I have made a few lists. One list is just for me and contains things I need to do before the twinkling of an eye. Included are things like: Make sure I’m caught up on “The Big Bang Theory” (the show, not the actually theory), clean my room (I’d hate to leave a mess behind) and find a heathen to take care of my dog (unless it is true that all dogs go to heaven).

However, the list I’d like to share with all of you is my predictions for what will be the most popular tweets/Facebook statuses tomorrow. Here we go:

Verses:
- Matthew 24:36 “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”

- 1 Thessalonians 5:2 “For you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.”

- 2 Peter 3:10 But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, in which the heavens will pass away with a roar and the elements will be destroyed with intense heat, and the earth and its works will be burned up."

Fake Quotes:
- “The reports of my Rapture are greatly exaggerated" – Mark Twain

- “Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today, besides the Rapture.” – Mark Twain

- “I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to be Raptured.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Okay, yeah… so I may tweet some of those myself.

Meanwhile, on Sunday morning when we are all still here and sitting in church I sincerely hope some pastor out there makes a joke about how not as many people as expected were taken and what a bummer it is that his whole church is still here (that guy would be hilarious). Then someone can live Jesus Juke him with Matthew 24:36.

What will your Facebook status be?

Where Did That Come From?

The other day I was trolling Twitter/Tumblr and came across a friend’s post that said something about how amazed they were that God gave them the answer to a prayer of theirs on the very next page of a book they were reading.

 My first thought?

“Yeah, that didn’t happen. God doesn’t do that.”

Wow, where did that come from? That thought went zipping through my mind like a comet before I even knew it was there, before I had a chance to pull it back and say, “Now now silly little thought, that’s not true.”

I tried to get to the source of where that thought came from. Did I really doubt God’s willingness to answer prayers? Had I given up on prayer? How did this happen? It isn’t like I went one day trusting that God listens to and respond to our prayers to waking up the next morning thinking, “God doesn’t do that.” It was a progression. A progression I had let go unchecked and unquestioned.

It started with, “God didn’t answer that prayer the way I wanted Him to.”

Then, “God didn’t answer that prayer at all.”

“God doesn’t answer my prayers.”

“God lets a lot of crap happen.”

“God doesn’t always answer prayer.”

“God doesn’t answer prayer at all.”

“You say God answered your prayer? Yeah, that didn’t happen. God doesn’t do that.”

I couldn't believe I had actually let all of that into my life. You see, that is how Satan works against us. He can’t come to us with a big ol’ lie and expect us to swallow it. He comes to us with little lies and half-truths and once we accept those he steps it up a little, and then a little more and a little more. Until before we know it we are living a huge lie that would have sent us running for the hills if we were originally presented with it.

Once I realized the lie I believed I began to see a string of untruths in my life. It went something like this:

“If God doesn’t answer prayer then I have to take care of myself on my own, by myself, without anyone else, alone. What the crap! I can’t do that. I can barely remember to check the mail! I’m in deep trouble. If I have to do this on my own then I’m stuck. My life has no purpose because even if it did I couldn’t accomplish it anyway. I’m useless and I’m alone.”

Yeah I know, a little emo, but that is how my brain works. Basically I went from, “God didn’t answer that prayer the way I wanted Him to” to “I am alone and useless”. I had been feeling that way for a while and didn't know where it came from. Of course this domino effect of lies might go another direction for someone else depending on other lies they are believing and what their personal weaknesses are, but you get the picture.

The truth is that God does answer prayer. And yes, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we wanted, but God is still God!

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

God has shown me where in my thoughts I went astray, now to reign them back in and give them to Him to repair.

What about you? Are there lies in your life that you believe and are living out? Anything in your life that brings condemnation or shame and not repentance isn’t from God. Maybe we all need to take some time to sweep out whatever lies we’ve let into our lives.

Ten Ways Churches Attempt To Be Modern

Okay, before I launch in to my list of 10 ways I think churches try to be modern, I want to say that I don’t necessarily think all these ideas are bad… just a little funny.
10. Name Tags
Most churches worth there snuff have greeters to meet people at the door and then never talk to them again, but the new modern church adds name tags to the mix. Now you, as a visitor, can know the names of everyone who doesn’t talk to you.

9. Toms
Tom shoes are so hot right now (yes, said like Will Ferrell in Zoolander). I love me some Toms, but you can now tell how hip a church is by how many people in their worship team wear Toms, there is a chart… we won’t go into that. Oh also, if the pastor is wearing Toms? Forget about it! ** What? your church doesn’t have a worship team? …uh, this list doesn’t apply to you

8. The "use to be Baptist" Church/The word “fellowship”
Notice how more and more churches are dropping the word “Baptist” from their titles?
“Isn’t that a Baptist church?”
“Uh, no. It is Mountain Oak Church, not Mountain Oak Baptist Church. Duh. Don’t you want to come now?”Or if they were never Baptist they may just add “fellowship” in their name.
“Shhh… We are called ‘Grace Free Fellowship’ don’t tell anyone we are a church.” Ha ha! Fooled people into coming!

7. Pews vs. linkable chairs
I like the linkable chairs, you know those chairs that all hook together and move as one long column representing the body of Christ linking together? …Okay maybe not. However I like the linkable chairs over pews because they’re usually better cushioned.

6. Drum box thingy
I grew up in a strict “no drums at church” regime, so to me a church with drums is fairly cool. However, if the drum set is on stage and has one of those plastic boxes around them (my drummer brother informs me they are called “drum shields”) then you know this church is ultra modern.
Side note: Yes, I grew up with no “devil rock music” and now my little brother plays the drums, I love the journey God has had my family on.

5. The velvet offering bag
I have no idea way this gets a number on the list, except that I needed it to make 10. However, it is kind of modern-ish to have one of those burgundy velvet offering bags with the wooden handles as opposed to the old fashioned offering plates.
4. The worship sandwichYou know what I mean. The service that starts with a few songs (or 1 song… see # 3) and ends with a few songs. Not a bad idea really, but here is how I think it started.

Scene: Church Staff meeting

Pastor: We need a way to end our service differently. I feel like ending on announcements is a little weak sauce.
Youth Pastor: *chuckles*
Worship Pastor: I don't know about that Pastor Phil, Elder John was pretty funny with announcements last Sunday.
Church Secretary: Can't we just dismiss right after the sermon?
Pastor: Uh, no.
Children's Past... Children’s Director: Just nothing that is going to make the service longer, it already takes the parents so long to pick up their kids. And I’m usually up there subbing for someone. I haven’t been in "big church" in… I don’t even remember "big church".
*awkward pause*
Youth Pastor: Why don't we end on a song? The youth band is getting really–Worship Pastor: That's a great idea! I could do a music set before and after the sermon. That way we start and end with worship!
Children’s Director: *sigh*
*awkward pause*Youth Pastor: Pastor Phil… I like your Toms.
3. Long songs
You know you are really praising when in 30 minutes you sing approximately 1½ songs. “Hallelujah! Did you get our church's new worship CD? It is 2 hours of worship with 5 beautiful tracks!”
2. Background images during worship
I feel like I’m picking on worship pastors/leaders/director type-people here. Sorry, it is just because you are such good sports. But you know those big, moving, projected scenes you have looping behind you during the singing time? Yeah, those are awesome.
1. Naming everything
I think the youth group, children’s ministry, singles group, older singles group, college/career group, women’s ministry, puppet ministry, AA group, elderly ministry, life groups, mom’s group and community outreach club should all have different names… and t-shirts. Did I miss a group? Men’s? Uh, no I didn’t miss that one. Unity everyone!

What would you add to this list?

Listening

Okay so not going to church the past few weeks has been refreshing. But in my prayer time today I came to this conclusion,

I think I need to start going to church again, not so God will hear me,
but maybe so that I will hear Him.

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Edit:
I'm not saying church is the only place to hear from God. I am also not saying that it is a sure-fire place to hear from God. Sometimes you just won't. What I'm am saying is that I think you need to put yourself in a position of listening. For me I think that going back to church for a little while is one of the things I need to do right now to put myself in that position.

So what's the problem now?

Life without church, this is just called life for many people. However, being raised in a strong Christian, southern family church has always been a part of my life. Life without church is unacceptable. Not just because of how I was raised, but the society I live in and the company I keep. In many circles one gets to know someone by asking them about their family or where they work. My type of people? We ask, “So where do you go to church?”

When I first started looking for a church, “I’m looking for a church right now” was an acceptable answer when church came up in conversation. After 7 months of looking for a church and yet not finding one it just sounds like I’m not trying. I am trying. Everyone else seems so happy at their church. It isn’t that I want to be alone in my churchless-ness.

I even went as far as prematurely posting a few weeks ago that I thought I had found my church. I thought I did. I had one of the best Sundays since my church hunting started, I went to Sunday school and people actually talked to me and I felt the lesson was really good. I went to service and worshiped through the singing and the message. I love this church because of everything they do in the community without even trying to bring the focus on them or “fill the pews”. They received more money than budgeted last year, even in these hard financial times, and in the weeks I visited there I never heard them make a push for giving. The pastor is on fire for the Lord and preaches more than the same old thing. I was sold.

I invited a posse to come with me to church the next week; I had a friend with me in Sunday school (where no one spoke to us and the lesson was not good) and three friends with me in service. The service I still thought was good, but seemed to bore the people with me (if you 3 are reading this, don’t try to deny it :). However, this isn’t really what is making me question my “decision”.

I knew this church was traditional (for lack of a better word), but I heard a few things that Sunday that actually go against what I believe the Bible teaches. Not big salvation things, but those things that even the strongest of Christians never agree on. Plus everyone in the singles group seemed really young and I realized that this was still not exactly my group of people. All of this seems really nit-picky, right? It is, I know. I don’t think this church is really the problem. I think the problem is me. I am really trying to find a church, but I can’t find what I want. Plus, I’m just so tired of church that even the really great ones seem lacking to me somehow.

Through all of this churchless-ness I realized that I’m kind of having an identity crisis. And by “kind of” I mean I am! During the great week at Sunday school we talked about spiritual gifts and how each person is made differently but for the same purpose, to glorify God. We are to fit together like pieces of a machine (or... a body) with each piece having its own function, but only when all the pieces are assembled does the machine work correctly.

I’ve studied this before, but I loved how the class flowed and how everyone seemed to have something to add and how excited they were about being the body of Christ. Through all of this I keep thinking about the gifts God has given me and how I use them. I love to teach, to disciple. Nothing makes me happier than to have a small group to lead and walk with. This is one of the things I’ve been called to do. It was the one thing at my old church that I got a lot of. Even when other things were going wrong in this area I felt complete and fulfilled. Now I have gone 7 months without some place to serve in this way. I’m at the point where I just want to pick any church with a youth group I can serve in because I don’t know who I am when I’m not in this position of shepherding.

I have known for a little while that this was going on inside me, I feel like I have been called to minister and I have no place to do it. I know that the church is not the only place to do this, but it is where I know how to do it. I was thinking all of this during Sunday school when one of the women in the class made a wonderful statement. In paraphrase she said,
“We have to remember though, that no matter what gifts God has given us we can’t place our identity in those gifts. We aren’t our gifts and we aren’t even what we do for God. Our identity is in Christ alone.”

Here I am wondering around trying to find somewhere to serve, yes because I want to do this for God and for His people, but also because I don’t know who I am without this. As if my service is what makes me, me? As if without this God can’t use me? As if without this I am anything less than a child of the King? As if.

This doesn’t bring me any closer to finding a church or deciding if finding a church is what I should do right now, but it did kind of slap some sense into me. Yes, life without church is hard on me right now, but it is my life with Christ that really matters. I think I need to start putting more of a focus on that.

Tick, tick, tick...

It has been about 7 months since I left... quit... stopped going to? my old church. Or that is, it has been about 7 months since I've had a church home. That wording seems to work.

Meaning approximately 7 months or 210 days or 28 Sundays or 11 churches latter, I still don't have a church I call my own.

I stopped blogging about my church hunting experience for roughly two of those months because I had lost my enthusiasm about visiting churches.

I have had some odd experiences though, for example, I went to church one Sunday and didn't stay because there was literally no place to park. On another Sunday I got to a church I'd been excited about visiting and walked in to find about 5 people milling about this huge church, it was like the twilight zone, I was afraid the rapture had occurred and me and these 5 Baptist were left behind. Weird.

I still drag myself out of bed on Sunday mornings and go to church, but really have had nothing to say about it. Maybe I’ll visit a new church or maybe I’ll go back to one I've been to before, sometimes I don't decided until my alarm clock goes off.

In short, recently I’ve been more zealous about where I'm eating lunch after church than where I am going to service. (Fuzzy's Tacos anyone?)

This languid attitude started changing just before Christmas. I had heard conflicting reports about a church I was interested in. However, I decided to drive the 40 minutes to get there when a friend of mine who has basically given up on church and possibly on God told me that it was one church she might actually go to. That sounded good to me. We’ll call this “Church # 11”.

When I first started visiting new churches I was so starved for spiritual food that I was on a church high, crying at services, loving the worship and feeling like I could conquer the world. This emotion was eventually depleted and I was left feeling extremely skeptical of churches and Christians. I've been saying for months, "I don't have a problem with God, but I'm finding it hard to like His people". Or like Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I’ve felt like a ticking time bomb, at any moment I was going to give up on church all together.

I can't say that I'm completely over this feeling. I don't think I understood, or still understand how deeply I was hurt. Or the extent of the scares inflicted by fellow believers! However, I will say that while at Church #11 one Sunday I looked around at the people near me, people I didn't know and didn't meet and thought to myself, "How nice to be in a room full of people who love God. I may not ever know them, but we have the same Father!" I surprised myself with this previously unheard of compassion for fellow church goers.

Since then I have started going back to a church nearer me because 40 minutes was just too long of a drive. However, I don't know if it was Church #11, or just timing, or the Christmas spirit, but I'm glad that I had that little moment or joy with my fellow believers. I needed it.

With all of the above being said it was actually something that happened last Sunday that made me figuratively pick back up the blogging pen.

During the infamous meet-n-greet time at a church we will call “Church #10”, something strange happened, the person I was sitting next to introduced himself to me! I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but in all this time I have had only ONE other person introduce themselves to me without my introducing myself first. People say, "hello" or "good morning" but then they are pretty much done with you.

While still reeling from his introduction this intrepid person did something rather shocking. I am not exaggerating when I state that this is the first time in 7 months of church hunting that this has happened to me... the guy invited me to life group! Holy crud. He asked me if this was my first Sunday, I told him I was a basically a regular because I had been there twice (oh how very witty) and he told me about the singles group that met before 2nd service and said I should come. Then (yes, there is even more) at the end of the service he gave me the website for their singles group so I could get all the info and said he hoped he'd see me there.

I can't overstate what a big deal this is, or how sad it is that it is a big deal! So obviously, I will be going to the the singles group next week before "big church". Really it was amazing what that one act of consideration did for my morning. I went from thinking how annoying it is when the choir and/or worship team wears matching colors, to thinking that I should start "assuming good intent" when I go to churches.

Meaning that instead of assuming the worship team is all about themselves and performance I should assume that they are actually worshiping since I have no reason to believe otherwise. My whole church experience changed, I listen to the sermon and took notes and made myself think of two things I liked about the place for everyone thing I didn't like (sorry, I still have a hard time making the negative Nancy in my head hush).

When the morning was over I had a little bit of the exuberance I had when I first started church hunting. Just because someone took less than 5 minutes to make me feel wanted! Between that and the gradual lessening of my resistance against others believers I feel like God is slowly but surely doing a work in my heart. Maybe all this disappointment and over-cautiousness will turn into something healthy and powerful. I hope so.

Expectation

My former boss and youth pastor use to (and perhaps still does) tell the youth that they needed to come to church with an expectation to hear from God. That we would hear more from God when we came with eager expectation to hear from Him.

I began thinking about this, this Sunday while preparing to go to church. Perhaps the reason I've been getting very little out of church lately is because I'm attending with the expectation to get very little out of church lately.

So this week I went with a band new attitude, visiting a church I haven't been to in awhile (church number... 1? Maybe?). I "put on my happy face", prayed that God would speak to me through this service and came with a heart full of expectation to hear from God.

I'd like to tell you this worked like a magic charm. That I felt God in a powerful way, that I left with new purpose and direction, that God spoke to me distinctly. I'd like to tell you that, but I can't.

I will say that I was more focused and "tuned-in" than I have been for awhile. I was less critical and even asked God to help me curb my sarcastic thoughts (which often run rampant). I did get more from the service than I have recently.

I believe God did hear my prayer and see that I sincerely wanted to hear from Him. But I didn't feel the heavens part or anything.

Maybe you are thinking that is because that "heaven parting" occasion doesn't actually happen. If you thought that, you'd be wrong. I've known those times. Sometimes they are full of emotion and I've ended up literally on my face before God. Sometimes they are crystal clear, a still small voice and I know exactly what God is telling me. It does happen. It didn't this Sunday.

This doesn't mean I didn't learn anything. The pastor spoke of us praying for miracles, but what we really wanted was magic. That "boom" God fixes everything. And that yes, God can do that, but He more often chooses to use us in His miracles. His passage was John 6:1-14 where God uses a small boy's bread and fish to feed thousands. Jesus knew what he was going to do to meet the need of these hungry people, but asked the disciples, "Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?"

God wants to use us. We need to be usable. God wants to speak to us. We need to be ready to hear.

To me coming with the expectation to hear from God is a really good thing, but it isn't always enough. It is kinda of like going to take a test having just glanced over the material and asking God to bring to mind what you have learned. Or like a non-athletic person going into a baseball game with a focused and determined attitude, but no practice time. (and yes, I've done both). Your focused-ness may help some, but it doesn't make you a science expert or a baseball pro.

God is not going to withhold Himself from us because of anything we have or have not done. There is no ritual to perform or list of "to do"s to hear from God. He isn't like a human, thank goodness.

However, I do think there are times we keep ourselves from hearing Him.

Am I only trying to hear God on Sunday morning, without seeking Him all week long? Am I expecting diamonds of wisdom from the pastor, but not delving into God's word for myself? Am I expecting church to fix all my problems, without dealing with unforgiveness in my life? These are just my examples... they may be different for other people.

In this blog I've been putting a lot of pressure on the church to step up and be what God has called it to be! I still think that is valid. But I can't make the church as a whole change, even if it needs too. All I can do it try to peruse God with an unwavering passion of my own. To seek Him in all aspects of my life, not just in what church to go to.

In the words of Brother Lawrence's book The Practice of the Presence of God:

"There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with God. Those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it."

"It is not necessary for being with God to be always at church; we may make an oratory of our heart, wherein to retire from time to time, to converse with Him in meekness, humility, and love. Every one is capable of such familiar conversation with God..."