When music tells you what you are thinking

Sometimes when things are a regular part of my life I assume they are a regular part of other peoples' lives as well. I could be wrong though, I could be like those people who see letters in specific colors and for years don’t realize that most people don’t see letters in specific colors, we just see them the regular boring way. Uh… yeah, that was a real relatable example.

In any case, I have no idea if this happens to anyone else, but sometimes I’ll be listening to (or more likely singing along with) a song and I’ll have to stop and think about what I just sang. Suddenly, it is like the lyrics of the song have just told me what I really think about something.

For example, over a year ago I was struggling with the idea of leaving my home church of the past 10 something years. I loved it there and was miserable there at the same time. I didn’t know if I really wanted to leave or not, or if God wanted me to stay or go.

Then I started singing along in my car (which is where most of my awesome singing goes down) to a *Lenka song and I realized everything I was singing I was directing towards my church. That probably sounds really strange seeing as the song is about a breakup… but hey, true story.

It was seriously like Lenka had crawled into my head, figured out how I really felt about the situation, wrote this song, put it on a CD and made sure I listened to it. But let’s be real, Lenka is awesome, but she’s not omnipotent.

God is omnipotent. I’m not saying God had some Australian songwriter write a song just for me, but I do believe God uses all kinds of things to talk to us and get our attention. I have a friend who told me once that every time she saw little yellow flowers God was telling her, “I love you”. Little yellow flowers are pretty, but they don't mean that much to me, but they meant something to her. In my case, as many times in my life, God used a song— a secular song even, to talk to me. (Actually, He uses Lenka songs with me often, her love song “Don’t let me fall” turns into a worship song/prayer every time I hear it).

Not that I didn't spend a LOT of time praying about my decision to leave my church, I did. But that song really opened my eyes to how I felt and what steps needed to be taken. God is so amazing I love that He speaks to me in my language.

Whether it is Mumford & Sons, Florence + The Machine or some good old David Crowder Band, music seems to be something God uses to talk to me. It this just me? Do songs ever tell you things about yourself you weren’t expecting?

I can’t be the only one this happens to, I don’t think it is like those lucky synesthetes, it think this must happen to lots of other people too. Or maybe it is something else God uses in your life. Whatever it is that God uses to speak to you I’d love to hear about it! Leave me a comment. I'd love to hear what God uses to reach out and talks to you.

Edit: * For those of you who have asked (no one asked), this is the Lenka song I sang about my church. Take it with a grain of salt, it wasn't a perfect comparison, but it made me realize what I already knew. 

Car Music

When driving in the car my music is always on, always. If there is silence in my car it freaks me out a little bit (we won’t go in to what that may say about me). Because of this, I often think of what music I want to have playing when someone else gets in the car with me. What will be the soundtrack for our drive together?

So when getting in to someone else’s vehicle; to go get coffee or to go out shopping or to go see Thor (cha-ching!), I’m very aware of what music they were listening to before I climbed in. I think I can tell in approximately 1.5 seconds if they are listening to Christian or “secular” music.

With that in mind I made a list of some quick and easy questions to ask yourself so you can swiftly know what kind of music you are listening to:

*ahem*

Is there a non-electric guitar solo? Heavy chimes? Or prominent use of “shakers” as a percussion interment? Christian music. Chris Tomlin? Is that you?

Does the song start with or contain at anytime someone rapping/singing the name of who is performing the song? Secular music.

Is the main singer being backed up by a vocalist of the opposite gender? Possibly with a lot of echoing going on? Christian music.

If it is a female singer, does she have any rasp to her voice at all? Yes? Secular music.

If it is a male singer does the song start out with guitar music and then the guy comes in sounding like he is singing with his eyes tightly closed? Christian music… most likely Casting Crowns. In fact I’m going to guess it is “Glorious Day”.

Did this song just use the word “tail” or the phrase “shake it”? Secular music… or Family Force 5.

Does the rock song’s high point make it hard to hear the vocals over the electric guitar and/or drums? Christian rock.

Does the song use a lot of synthesized sounding instruments, a heavy electric bass opening or just random layers of sound? Secular. In fact you are most likely hearing the local “Top 40” station. Keep listening because any minute “key dollar sign ha” will be coming on (that’s Ke$ha… and a Glee joke).

Does the music sound like it was recorded with a reverb? In a large room? Or with multiple people singing along? Christian worship music.

Is there a heavy dance drum/bass beat with various other repetitive sounds? Do you feel like you should drop it like it is hot? Secular. My guess is your friend has their Gaga going or you are listening to the Black Eyed Peas.

This one is a little risky, but if you want to make a very fast guess and it is a female singing. Soprano? Christian music. Alto? Secular music.

And finally, does your friend quickly change or turn down the music when you get in the car? Secular music. Probably something embarrassing like Pitbull or Britney Spears.

You think I’m joking, but try these out, you’ll be right more often than not. Wow… I have sudden urge to make a Casting Crowns/Lady Gaga mix… Anyway, I personally like to stick a little Mumford and Sons in when I have people traveling with me. That’ll confuse ‘em!

What music do you like to listen too with you friends in the car?

A Side Note: 25 Cover Songs You Should Hear

So I was inspired by Paste Magazine’s list of Indie artist covering main stream songs and decided to do my own list. These aren’t all Indie artist they are just musicians I love covering songs that I love. Enjoy!

25. William Fitzsimmons - I Kissed A Girl (Katy Perry)
While I do love Katy Perry (despite it going against my indie music infatuation) I don’t really like this song, until I heard it covered by William Fitzsimmons. Just beautiful.

24. Marié Digby - What I've Done (Lincoln Park)
My Brother Caleb is always telling me what great lyrics Lincoln Park and bands like it have. That they don’t just have a great rock beat, but thoughtful words. It took me hearing Marié Digby singing Lincoln Park’s words to make me realized how right he was.

23. Regina Spektor - Real Love (John Lennon)
Regina Spektor is magical, I love her so much I mostly just want her to sing her own songs, but I guess if she wants to cover the legendary John Lennon that works for me.


22. Switchfoot - Sorrow (Bad Religion)
I love Switchfoot singing this song because it is so simple and striped down you can really hear how great Jon Foreman’s voice is.

21. Yael Naim - Toxic (Brittney Spears)
There are almost as many covers of this song as there are of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”, but I like this version because it is Yael Naim’s lovely voice and charming accent.

20 Ellie Goulding - Your Song (Elton John)
British singer Ellie Goulding has such a sweet light voice that it works perfectly with Elton John’s touching words. I like this even better than the Moulin Rouge version.

19. FF5 - Bulletproof (La Roux)
Family Force 5 doing a La Roux song is such an obviously perfect match that this cover sounds very close to the original, but FF5 puts their own touch to it, be prepared to get crunk.


18 Nikki & Rich – Uprising (Muse)
When I listen to this song on repeat (which really is the only way to listen to it) I feel like going out and protest something… which isn’t anything I’ve ever actually done, but still.


17. Rufus Wainwright – Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen)
I wasn’t going to post this cover of Hallelujah, I was going to use the Kate Voegele version instead because Rufus’ version has been heard so much people don’t even know it is a cover, they think it is the original. In the end though I had to use this one because it is just so marvelous.


16 Chris Colfer - I Want Hold Your Hand (Beatles)
Okay, I wasn’t going to post any Glee songs because it feels like cheating, plus most of their covers sound so much like the original it isn’t even any fun. However Chris Colfer (Kurt Hummel) singing I Want to Hold Your Hand is beautiful. You don’t have to like Glee to get goosebumps over this song.


15. P!ink - Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
Yes, out of all the songs P!nk could covered Queen’s epic song is the most genius choice ever. Plus I was able to see her perform this live during her Funhouse Tour (best concert I have ever been to).


14. Coldplay - Billie Jean (Micheal Jackson)
While almost every music group out there has done a cover of Coldplay’s Viva La Vida I’m more interested in what Coldplay is covering, they do versions of both Ring of Fire and Barbie Girl, but my favorite is their cover of Billie Jean.


13. OwlCity - In Christ Alone (Stuart Townend)
While most worship songs get covered and recovered by numerous bands I love OwlCity doing In Christ Alone because here is a secularly famous artist bold enough to sing about Christ. And he does it so well.


12. Adam Lambert - Mad World (Tears for Fears)
This is the song that I always remember Adam Lambert for because when he sang it on American Idol he blew us all away. I’m still not sure why he didn’t win that season… not that is has hurt his career!


11. Paloma Faith - Sexy Chick (David Guetta)
I love pop and R&B songs that are broken down to a good old piano doo-wop feel. Paloma’s sassy style really does justice to this cover.


10. Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights (The Postal Service)
Here is a cover that I think out does the original. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy The Postal Service, but when they sing this song I always feel like telling them to slow it down. Iron & Wine does just that.


9. Vampire Weekend - I'm Going Down (Bruce Springsteen)
Oh Vampire Weekend. I love you. And I love this Springsteen cover and the fact that you get a good feel of Ezra Koenig vocals from it.


8. Mindy Smith - Jolene (Dolly Parton)
I can’t say I really listen to Dolly Parton music, but Mindy Smith’s folk version of this classic Parton song is perfect. I love the music video and cameo by Miss Parton.


7. Florence + The Machine - Oh Darling (Beatles)
I’m going to pretend that you aren’t all aware of how obsessed I am with Florence + The Machine and just casually tell you that this song is friggin’ awesome! Okay. That is all.


6. Ingrid Michaelson - I Can't Help Falling In Love With You (Elvis Presley)
I can’t help falling in love with this song (I know, cheesy) but really it is hard to top the King of Rock & Roll, but I think Ingrid may do it here.


5. Sara Bareilles - Single Ladies (Beyoncé)
Some piano and vocal styling amazingness by Sara Bareilles. Sara keeps the feisty feeling Beyoncé originally gave to this song while bringing R&B back to its doo-wop roots.

4. Joshua Radin – Sunny Days (Sesame Street)
This wasn’t originally so high up on my list, but the more I listened to it the more I loved it. Never have I ever wanted to go to Sesame Street, until now.


3. David Crowder - Deliver Me (Origanlly The Beloved, best known from Sarah Brightman)
I love how David takes a secular song and so easily sings it in a way that I can’t imagine it ever referring to anything but how much we need Christ to save us. Brilliant. I also love the hymn lyrics he adds in there.


2. Adele - Make You Feel My Love (Bob Dylan)
This song is what first made my fall in love with Adele’s music. Every time I hear it I want to stop what I’m doing and go learn to play the piano just so I can sing this song. Truly stunning.


1. Mumford and Suns - Cousins (Vampire Weekend)
I already enjoyed Mumford & Sons and then they stole my heart with their Grammy performance and now they are cover a Vampire Weekend song? Be still my heart. Seriously though, I love the original but hearing Mumford & Sons play it you’d think the song was made for them.

Tick, tick, tick...

It has been about 7 months since I left... quit... stopped going to? my old church. Or that is, it has been about 7 months since I've had a church home. That wording seems to work.

Meaning approximately 7 months or 210 days or 28 Sundays or 11 churches latter, I still don't have a church I call my own.

I stopped blogging about my church hunting experience for roughly two of those months because I had lost my enthusiasm about visiting churches.

I have had some odd experiences though, for example, I went to church one Sunday and didn't stay because there was literally no place to park. On another Sunday I got to a church I'd been excited about visiting and walked in to find about 5 people milling about this huge church, it was like the twilight zone, I was afraid the rapture had occurred and me and these 5 Baptist were left behind. Weird.

I still drag myself out of bed on Sunday mornings and go to church, but really have had nothing to say about it. Maybe I’ll visit a new church or maybe I’ll go back to one I've been to before, sometimes I don't decided until my alarm clock goes off.

In short, recently I’ve been more zealous about where I'm eating lunch after church than where I am going to service. (Fuzzy's Tacos anyone?)

This languid attitude started changing just before Christmas. I had heard conflicting reports about a church I was interested in. However, I decided to drive the 40 minutes to get there when a friend of mine who has basically given up on church and possibly on God told me that it was one church she might actually go to. That sounded good to me. We’ll call this “Church # 11”.

When I first started visiting new churches I was so starved for spiritual food that I was on a church high, crying at services, loving the worship and feeling like I could conquer the world. This emotion was eventually depleted and I was left feeling extremely skeptical of churches and Christians. I've been saying for months, "I don't have a problem with God, but I'm finding it hard to like His people". Or like Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I’ve felt like a ticking time bomb, at any moment I was going to give up on church all together.

I can't say that I'm completely over this feeling. I don't think I understood, or still understand how deeply I was hurt. Or the extent of the scares inflicted by fellow believers! However, I will say that while at Church #11 one Sunday I looked around at the people near me, people I didn't know and didn't meet and thought to myself, "How nice to be in a room full of people who love God. I may not ever know them, but we have the same Father!" I surprised myself with this previously unheard of compassion for fellow church goers.

Since then I have started going back to a church nearer me because 40 minutes was just too long of a drive. However, I don't know if it was Church #11, or just timing, or the Christmas spirit, but I'm glad that I had that little moment or joy with my fellow believers. I needed it.

With all of the above being said it was actually something that happened last Sunday that made me figuratively pick back up the blogging pen.

During the infamous meet-n-greet time at a church we will call “Church #10”, something strange happened, the person I was sitting next to introduced himself to me! I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but in all this time I have had only ONE other person introduce themselves to me without my introducing myself first. People say, "hello" or "good morning" but then they are pretty much done with you.

While still reeling from his introduction this intrepid person did something rather shocking. I am not exaggerating when I state that this is the first time in 7 months of church hunting that this has happened to me... the guy invited me to life group! Holy crud. He asked me if this was my first Sunday, I told him I was a basically a regular because I had been there twice (oh how very witty) and he told me about the singles group that met before 2nd service and said I should come. Then (yes, there is even more) at the end of the service he gave me the website for their singles group so I could get all the info and said he hoped he'd see me there.

I can't overstate what a big deal this is, or how sad it is that it is a big deal! So obviously, I will be going to the the singles group next week before "big church". Really it was amazing what that one act of consideration did for my morning. I went from thinking how annoying it is when the choir and/or worship team wears matching colors, to thinking that I should start "assuming good intent" when I go to churches.

Meaning that instead of assuming the worship team is all about themselves and performance I should assume that they are actually worshiping since I have no reason to believe otherwise. My whole church experience changed, I listen to the sermon and took notes and made myself think of two things I liked about the place for everyone thing I didn't like (sorry, I still have a hard time making the negative Nancy in my head hush).

When the morning was over I had a little bit of the exuberance I had when I first started church hunting. Just because someone took less than 5 minutes to make me feel wanted! Between that and the gradual lessening of my resistance against others believers I feel like God is slowly but surely doing a work in my heart. Maybe all this disappointment and over-cautiousness will turn into something healthy and powerful. I hope so.

Is this it?

In one of my earliest church hunting blogs I said something to the effect of, "I don't know what I'm looking for, but I hope to know when I find it". Well, I have come to believe this is a very poor search technique. How can you find anything of value when you don't even know what you are looking for? Chance? I think not.

Then I had to ask myself what am I looking for? Of course this must be keep in the light of not just looking for a church to satisfy me, but where God can best use me. However, I know from experience that if you are serving at a church that isn't compatible it is very hard to serve the Lord very long before getting seriously burnt out and maybe even disillusioned.

So where does this leave me? I need to know what I'm looking for and also be sensitive to where God may be calling me. I want a church that says what it means and means what it says. A church that throws tradition out the freakin' window, but still has good sound doctrine. And I want a church where I can serve, where I can use the gifts God has given me to bring glory to Him!

Yes, I do indeed want to be called by God to where I can serve Him best, but what if I don't feel called anywhere? What if I have visited several good churches filled with people who love the Lord and are serving Him, but I still fill like I could take 'em or leave 'em? In the words of my sister Ryan, "Meh" (accompanied with a shoulder shrug).

I mentioned earlier that serving somewhere you aren't called may leave you disillusioned. Well, that was me a few months ago, burnt out, disillusioned and a little bitter. I feel I'm getting better now, healing up nicely. But that dissolution has morphed into something else, it has become a deep desire to not do church the normal way anymore. To not "do church" at all. I'm not saying I don't want to find a local church body to attend, but I just can't imagine where that would be when most churches I visit (even the great ones) do so much just because... this is what you do at church.

I love tradition. I love that ever year my family cuts down our own Christmas tree. I love that on Birthdays we take pictures holding up enough fingers to show how old that person is. Tradition can be good, comfortable, it can bring people together. However tradition can also become stale, exclusive, and meaningless. Is it me or are churches today filled with meaningless and exclusive traditions? I'm a little afraid that I want something that isn't there.

I was talking to someone the other day and found myself telling them how bored I was with church. Bored with the teaching, the singing, and the staleness. I don't actually think the church I've been going to is stale; it is just feeling that way to me. I feel sacrilegious saying I'm bored with church, but I can't help question, why do all these churches look so much the same? Why can't I hear things in sermons that I haven't heard before? Why can't church be different? There are so many different kinds of people why do all churches just look like variations of each other?

This blog is mostly me just questioning, I really don't have the answers. I know that if what I want in a a church isn't actually available to me that doesn't give me license to forsake Christian fellowship all together.

I think I need to have an extended time of prayer over this. And I know that I am not the only person of my generation that deals with this problem. I know too many Christians not going to church at all, too many people my age giving up on God altogether, to think I'm the only one struggling here. I guess I'd just ask that you pray for us. It is a very confusing out there. Here are all these people like me who feel disconnected by the very institution that is meant to bring us together.

I guess my final question is this: Have people who given up on church “forsaken” the assembly of believers, or has the church “forsaken” these people?

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” Hebrews 10: 23-25

Church White-Out

When my older sister was shopping for a wedding dress a salesman told us about a common problem brides-to-be have. He called it "white out", when a bride has tried on so many dresses she starts to forget them and they all start looking the same. I am having a similar problem with churches I visit.

Isn't that the same fun and modern projected background I saw last week? Aren't those ultra trendy sermon slides familiar? Nice, "look I'm young and cool" polo every pastor is wearing. I swear I've seen this same worship team before, young stylish lead singer, older male guitar player, bald drummer, one young female backup singer, one plump female backup singer (to prove we don't care what you look like). Seriously, which church is which!?!

Good thing I've been blogging to keep them straight!

This brings me to church #... what? 5? Yeah, Church #5. This church is super close to where I live. So "whoot!" for that. I had heard that I wouldn't get a very deep sermon at this church, but chose to give it a go anyway. I loved it. I mean it was very similar to the other churches I've visited and the worship leader looked so familiar I think he may be following me around and leading worship at every church I'm visiting... or I use to serve him coffee when I worked at Starbucks.

However, the sermon wasn't shallow it was... homey and comfortable. I felt like it was a devotional time, like when I was growing up and us kids would get up early for “Bible time” with my dad. And though it was easy and simple it was profound. I felt like he had just started talking when he wrapped things up, I could have listened longer.

The whole church kind of gave me this feel, comfortable and easy. Though that doesn't make since becuase the church is really quite large. I enjoyed my time there. It is in the top 2 or 3 churches on my list.

Of course every church has flaws (like not talking to visitors), the most noticeable drawback I saw at Church # 5 was how quick the attendees (ha ha, there has got to be a better term for us) left the service! They closed with one last worship song, but since the pastor had gone over a little in his sermon (I didn’t even notice) the people just rushed out of there ASAP! Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Open it up and--what the heck! It is like a stampede what’s wrong with these people?

A handful of others and I stayed and sang the last song. Then I got to the parking lot and saw why the rush. Getting out of that parking lot was like trying to get a 9 year old Meagan out of the Cabbage Patch aisle at Toys R Us… it ain’t happening.

Okay, so now I have a bunch of churches that I pretty much like and all seem very similar, so what now? I have to tell you Church #3/Church #3.0 (see blog entry "Detour") has a leg up on the competition. Their woman’s ministry type staff person sent me and email saying how happy she was that I visited the church and giving me a list of Life Groups near my home as well as the names and phone numbers of those Life Group leaders. She called me too and left a voice mail. I’m telling you if one of those Life Group leaders calls me this may be a done deal.

Anyway, next week visiting Church #1 again with a friend. Until then I’m going to try to sort out in my head what I liked about each church and really cover this with prayer. No church white-out for me!