Say what?

The other day, week, time... (so that no one can guess what event I'm talking about... yeah that will work) I was with a group of people praying and I kept being really amazed by what I heard.

Not amazed in a good way like, "Meagan, congratulations you won a trip to the Grammys!", but amazed in a bad way like, "Did you know that there are over 360 calories in one Starbucks muffin?"

I kept thinking, what are these people doing? Why would they pray that?! In fact, in my head, I kept saying, "No God, no. Don't do that." or "Disregard that one too!" This brought on a full-fledged prayer crisis moment. My thoughts went something like this:

If one person prays one thing, and then someone else prays against it (someone being me!) do the two prayers cancel each other out?

Does the prayer of the stronger Christian trump that of the weaker?

Who decides who is the weaker Christian?

I'm I comparing my faith to others' now?

Yes, I am. That's a real bad idea, I should stop that.

Okay, but if someone prays something so obviously wrong, God must ignore it anyway, right?

Do I ever pray things that are so obviously wrong?

Should I do the opposite of a prayer recognizer and instead of saying, "yes, Lord" out loud to this prayer should I say, "I rebuke that!"

If I did say, "I rebuke that!" would the older people in this group think I'm a disrespectful young person?

Am I going to have to whip out some 1 Timothy 4:12?

If I'm almost 30 am I even counted as a "young person" anymore?

Who really says, "I rebuke that!"

When it is my turn to pray I better make it good to make up for these other prayers.

Wait... is it my turn to pray?

In the end I didn't say anything about it. During the prayer time or after. But it did make me think about the things that we pray and how glad I am that God is far, far wiser then I am.

All of us probably have had times when we pray out of misguided beliefs, out of fear of man or out of doubt. Do these prayers just go unheard? Do they just drift through space without God paying them any heed because we aren't praying according to God's will? Absolutely not.

Even in those times when we pray things that maybe we shouldn't pray, God hears us. And guess what? It is even better than that. It isn't that God just hears these misguided prayers shakes His head and thinks, "Oh, there they go again" and does nothing. He knows what we should be praying and answers us accordingly!

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:26-28

There is no reason for me to tell God to disregard what someone else said. No reason for someone to fear the words that are spoken over them. No reason for me to think my prayer got trumped or that if we pray wrong God doesn't hear us.

The Holy Spirit who lives inside His people intercedes for us according to the will of God! This also gives me hope for those times when I have no words to pray at all. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groaning that are too deep for words!

I love God. He has thought of everything. He has covered all the bases, so even when we mess up, in Him, we still win.

What kind of prayer are you?

Recently I've been in several different places where we have prayed as a group. I really love that. Personal, private prayer time is wonderful, but praying with other believers is so encouraging. During these times of prayer though, I have noticed there are a handful of kind of prayers (as in pray-ers, people who pray). Most people fall into at least one of these groups; I have listed 7 kinds of prayer warriors that I've seen throughout my years in churches, Bible studies, and prayer groups. Is this a definitive list. Nope. It it completely accurate. Uh, no I just made it up. But maybe you can find a little of yourself on this list. I know where I am.

1) The person who doesn't pray out loud.
Some people don't like to pray out loud, which I think is perfectly acceptable. I mean we are praying to God and He doesn't need us to pray out loud. Besides the Bible warns us about using prayer for attention. Not praying out loud is a pretty safe bet against praying just so others can hear how masterfully you weave scripture into your prayer or how many beautiful Christian phrases you can use like, "traveling mercies", "please lead, guide, and direct", "hide me behind the cross" or the one I use the most, "put a hedge of protection around..." (because you know satan is really afraid of shrubbery). Yeah, so if you don't want to pray out loud, I'm not going to make you (though if no one does, it makes the prayer time... awkward). Maybe you could just be the next person on the list.

2) The prayer recognizer.
If you are doing any kind of pray around the circle or *popcorn prayer you really want at least one prayer recognizer. This is the person who says, "amen", "yes Lord" and other generally encouraging phrases and sounds as someone else prays out loud. I know this is wrong, and I'm putting myself out there saying this, but am I the only one who ever judges how good a prayer is by how many people "amen" during it? Yes! 5 amens and a hallelujah! I. Am. On. Fire!

3) The metaphorical prayer/the long prayer
This person is of the "more is better" philosophy. Their prayers last at least twice as long as everyone elses' prayers and are usually really pretty. They use words like, "propitiation" and "equivocation" and very often use metaphors in their prayers. "Like a child climbs up on it's fathers lap so we come to You". While these prayers can seem to *ahem* drag on I usually like them because I'm a picture person and they paint pictures. (Okay, okay I admit I've never heard a prayer with the word, "equivocation" in it).

4) The short and sweet
To explain this kind of prayer I'd like to just give an example. It goes something like this, "Dear Lord, you know all our needs and we place them in Your hands. Please continue to lead us to You." Boom! Done and done. And good! Trust God to do what He does. Can't argue with that. It is nice when this person sits next to #3.

5) The emotional prayer
This is the person who can barely make it through their prayer because they start to choke up. Or maybe they pray through the whole prayer just fine, but talk in "cry voice". I'm not saying that I am this person... but I am. I have little to no control over "cry voice", grrrr. However, (and the emotional prayer isn't necessarily going for this) this person often works very well with the prayer recognizer. Crying brings on the "yes, lord!", it just does.

6) The preachy prayer
This is the only one on the list that actually bugs me. I'm fine with a good sermon. And I'm fine with a good prayer. But don't give me a sermon prayer. You know what I mean, right? The person who takes it upon themselves to teach or preach to the people listening to them pray. They say things like, "because it is the child's duty to obey their parents, this is the kind of person the Lord wants you to be" or "remember that God rejects the proud and blesses the humble". I'm always like, wait... who are you talking to here? Cuz I thought you were talking to God and I think He knows this stuff already. *sigh*

7) The scripture prayer
This person is kinda the bomb-diggity. They usually pray with lots of spirit and talk louder and faster the longer the prayer goes on. They use some of their own words but mostly stick to praying straight out of God's word. I love this, as long as they are doing it to pray the authority of scripture and not to show off how much Bible they have memorized from their years in AWANA or Bible Drill or seminary or something.


Okay, this is the short list. I can think of a few other kind of prayers, but I'll stop while you might still be reading. What do you think? Are you on here? What other kinds of people should make the list? Tell me what you think.


*Popcorn prayer: This is where you just "pop in" when you want to pray, this is the less formal and more "spirit-lead" version of the pray around in a circle... but can be awkward when more than one person starts a prayer at the same time. (One at a time people, one at a time! That way God can make out what you're saying!)

Where Did That Come From?

The other day I was trolling Twitter/Tumblr and came across a friend’s post that said something about how amazed they were that God gave them the answer to a prayer of theirs on the very next page of a book they were reading.

 My first thought?

“Yeah, that didn’t happen. God doesn’t do that.”

Wow, where did that come from? That thought went zipping through my mind like a comet before I even knew it was there, before I had a chance to pull it back and say, “Now now silly little thought, that’s not true.”

I tried to get to the source of where that thought came from. Did I really doubt God’s willingness to answer prayers? Had I given up on prayer? How did this happen? It isn’t like I went one day trusting that God listens to and respond to our prayers to waking up the next morning thinking, “God doesn’t do that.” It was a progression. A progression I had let go unchecked and unquestioned.

It started with, “God didn’t answer that prayer the way I wanted Him to.”

Then, “God didn’t answer that prayer at all.”

“God doesn’t answer my prayers.”

“God lets a lot of crap happen.”

“God doesn’t always answer prayer.”

“God doesn’t answer prayer at all.”

“You say God answered your prayer? Yeah, that didn’t happen. God doesn’t do that.”

I couldn't believe I had actually let all of that into my life. You see, that is how Satan works against us. He can’t come to us with a big ol’ lie and expect us to swallow it. He comes to us with little lies and half-truths and once we accept those he steps it up a little, and then a little more and a little more. Until before we know it we are living a huge lie that would have sent us running for the hills if we were originally presented with it.

Once I realized the lie I believed I began to see a string of untruths in my life. It went something like this:

“If God doesn’t answer prayer then I have to take care of myself on my own, by myself, without anyone else, alone. What the crap! I can’t do that. I can barely remember to check the mail! I’m in deep trouble. If I have to do this on my own then I’m stuck. My life has no purpose because even if it did I couldn’t accomplish it anyway. I’m useless and I’m alone.”

Yeah I know, a little emo, but that is how my brain works. Basically I went from, “God didn’t answer that prayer the way I wanted Him to” to “I am alone and useless”. I had been feeling that way for a while and didn't know where it came from. Of course this domino effect of lies might go another direction for someone else depending on other lies they are believing and what their personal weaknesses are, but you get the picture.

The truth is that God does answer prayer. And yes, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we wanted, but God is still God!

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

God has shown me where in my thoughts I went astray, now to reign them back in and give them to Him to repair.

What about you? Are there lies in your life that you believe and are living out? Anything in your life that brings condemnation or shame and not repentance isn’t from God. Maybe we all need to take some time to sweep out whatever lies we’ve let into our lives.

Listening

Okay so not going to church the past few weeks has been refreshing. But in my prayer time today I came to this conclusion,

I think I need to start going to church again, not so God will hear me,
but maybe so that I will hear Him.

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Edit:
I'm not saying church is the only place to hear from God. I am also not saying that it is a sure-fire place to hear from God. Sometimes you just won't. What I'm am saying is that I think you need to put yourself in a position of listening. For me I think that going back to church for a little while is one of the things I need to do right now to put myself in that position.

Tick, tick, tick...

It has been about 7 months since I left... quit... stopped going to? my old church. Or that is, it has been about 7 months since I've had a church home. That wording seems to work.

Meaning approximately 7 months or 210 days or 28 Sundays or 11 churches latter, I still don't have a church I call my own.

I stopped blogging about my church hunting experience for roughly two of those months because I had lost my enthusiasm about visiting churches.

I have had some odd experiences though, for example, I went to church one Sunday and didn't stay because there was literally no place to park. On another Sunday I got to a church I'd been excited about visiting and walked in to find about 5 people milling about this huge church, it was like the twilight zone, I was afraid the rapture had occurred and me and these 5 Baptist were left behind. Weird.

I still drag myself out of bed on Sunday mornings and go to church, but really have had nothing to say about it. Maybe I’ll visit a new church or maybe I’ll go back to one I've been to before, sometimes I don't decided until my alarm clock goes off.

In short, recently I’ve been more zealous about where I'm eating lunch after church than where I am going to service. (Fuzzy's Tacos anyone?)

This languid attitude started changing just before Christmas. I had heard conflicting reports about a church I was interested in. However, I decided to drive the 40 minutes to get there when a friend of mine who has basically given up on church and possibly on God told me that it was one church she might actually go to. That sounded good to me. We’ll call this “Church # 11”.

When I first started visiting new churches I was so starved for spiritual food that I was on a church high, crying at services, loving the worship and feeling like I could conquer the world. This emotion was eventually depleted and I was left feeling extremely skeptical of churches and Christians. I've been saying for months, "I don't have a problem with God, but I'm finding it hard to like His people". Or like Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I’ve felt like a ticking time bomb, at any moment I was going to give up on church all together.

I can't say that I'm completely over this feeling. I don't think I understood, or still understand how deeply I was hurt. Or the extent of the scares inflicted by fellow believers! However, I will say that while at Church #11 one Sunday I looked around at the people near me, people I didn't know and didn't meet and thought to myself, "How nice to be in a room full of people who love God. I may not ever know them, but we have the same Father!" I surprised myself with this previously unheard of compassion for fellow church goers.

Since then I have started going back to a church nearer me because 40 minutes was just too long of a drive. However, I don't know if it was Church #11, or just timing, or the Christmas spirit, but I'm glad that I had that little moment or joy with my fellow believers. I needed it.

With all of the above being said it was actually something that happened last Sunday that made me figuratively pick back up the blogging pen.

During the infamous meet-n-greet time at a church we will call “Church #10”, something strange happened, the person I was sitting next to introduced himself to me! I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but in all this time I have had only ONE other person introduce themselves to me without my introducing myself first. People say, "hello" or "good morning" but then they are pretty much done with you.

While still reeling from his introduction this intrepid person did something rather shocking. I am not exaggerating when I state that this is the first time in 7 months of church hunting that this has happened to me... the guy invited me to life group! Holy crud. He asked me if this was my first Sunday, I told him I was a basically a regular because I had been there twice (oh how very witty) and he told me about the singles group that met before 2nd service and said I should come. Then (yes, there is even more) at the end of the service he gave me the website for their singles group so I could get all the info and said he hoped he'd see me there.

I can't overstate what a big deal this is, or how sad it is that it is a big deal! So obviously, I will be going to the the singles group next week before "big church". Really it was amazing what that one act of consideration did for my morning. I went from thinking how annoying it is when the choir and/or worship team wears matching colors, to thinking that I should start "assuming good intent" when I go to churches.

Meaning that instead of assuming the worship team is all about themselves and performance I should assume that they are actually worshiping since I have no reason to believe otherwise. My whole church experience changed, I listen to the sermon and took notes and made myself think of two things I liked about the place for everyone thing I didn't like (sorry, I still have a hard time making the negative Nancy in my head hush).

When the morning was over I had a little bit of the exuberance I had when I first started church hunting. Just because someone took less than 5 minutes to make me feel wanted! Between that and the gradual lessening of my resistance against others believers I feel like God is slowly but surely doing a work in my heart. Maybe all this disappointment and over-cautiousness will turn into something healthy and powerful. I hope so.

Expectation

My former boss and youth pastor use to (and perhaps still does) tell the youth that they needed to come to church with an expectation to hear from God. That we would hear more from God when we came with eager expectation to hear from Him.

I began thinking about this, this Sunday while preparing to go to church. Perhaps the reason I've been getting very little out of church lately is because I'm attending with the expectation to get very little out of church lately.

So this week I went with a band new attitude, visiting a church I haven't been to in awhile (church number... 1? Maybe?). I "put on my happy face", prayed that God would speak to me through this service and came with a heart full of expectation to hear from God.

I'd like to tell you this worked like a magic charm. That I felt God in a powerful way, that I left with new purpose and direction, that God spoke to me distinctly. I'd like to tell you that, but I can't.

I will say that I was more focused and "tuned-in" than I have been for awhile. I was less critical and even asked God to help me curb my sarcastic thoughts (which often run rampant). I did get more from the service than I have recently.

I believe God did hear my prayer and see that I sincerely wanted to hear from Him. But I didn't feel the heavens part or anything.

Maybe you are thinking that is because that "heaven parting" occasion doesn't actually happen. If you thought that, you'd be wrong. I've known those times. Sometimes they are full of emotion and I've ended up literally on my face before God. Sometimes they are crystal clear, a still small voice and I know exactly what God is telling me. It does happen. It didn't this Sunday.

This doesn't mean I didn't learn anything. The pastor spoke of us praying for miracles, but what we really wanted was magic. That "boom" God fixes everything. And that yes, God can do that, but He more often chooses to use us in His miracles. His passage was John 6:1-14 where God uses a small boy's bread and fish to feed thousands. Jesus knew what he was going to do to meet the need of these hungry people, but asked the disciples, "Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?"

God wants to use us. We need to be usable. God wants to speak to us. We need to be ready to hear.

To me coming with the expectation to hear from God is a really good thing, but it isn't always enough. It is kinda of like going to take a test having just glanced over the material and asking God to bring to mind what you have learned. Or like a non-athletic person going into a baseball game with a focused and determined attitude, but no practice time. (and yes, I've done both). Your focused-ness may help some, but it doesn't make you a science expert or a baseball pro.

God is not going to withhold Himself from us because of anything we have or have not done. There is no ritual to perform or list of "to do"s to hear from God. He isn't like a human, thank goodness.

However, I do think there are times we keep ourselves from hearing Him.

Am I only trying to hear God on Sunday morning, without seeking Him all week long? Am I expecting diamonds of wisdom from the pastor, but not delving into God's word for myself? Am I expecting church to fix all my problems, without dealing with unforgiveness in my life? These are just my examples... they may be different for other people.

In this blog I've been putting a lot of pressure on the church to step up and be what God has called it to be! I still think that is valid. But I can't make the church as a whole change, even if it needs too. All I can do it try to peruse God with an unwavering passion of my own. To seek Him in all aspects of my life, not just in what church to go to.

In the words of Brother Lawrence's book The Practice of the Presence of God:

"There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with God. Those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it."

"It is not necessary for being with God to be always at church; we may make an oratory of our heart, wherein to retire from time to time, to converse with Him in meekness, humility, and love. Every one is capable of such familiar conversation with God..."